sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
