My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
