i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
