I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
