dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
