he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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