i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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