I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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