Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
