I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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