I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You ruined the universe
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
