How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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