I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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