i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We need to get me chipped asap
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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