I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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