I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
