I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
