Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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