Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
