im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
