My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
