I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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