in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
