I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
