thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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