he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
