girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
