You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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