Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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