if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
