I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did i walk over a car last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
