the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
