I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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