just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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