There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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