I look better un-naked...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
