Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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