This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
