okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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