someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
