Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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