Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
