Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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