the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Michael Bay diarrhea
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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