I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
