im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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