And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
