you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
