Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
