but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
