Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
