He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
