Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
