I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
